The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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