Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
