You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize