I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
