i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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