I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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