I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
