I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
