Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my being single is dangerous.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
