I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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