two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
