I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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