I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The air was thick with penises
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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