I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
