I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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