i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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