her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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