about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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