I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
this beer tastes like vomit already
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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