It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just want nice things and good sex
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
