I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize