you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
