the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
