I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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