I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
