Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
