And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
