yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
