Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
