You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
