Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
