If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize