don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
