apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
