Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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