Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
