the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
