Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
