I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
