Just took my morning after pill in the library
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
