Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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