i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
