your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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