I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
