Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Terrible idea I love it
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
