I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
