Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
