my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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