Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
