you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
