i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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