OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
