i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
