I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
