I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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