just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize