so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
