My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
