I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
