i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
