I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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