Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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