You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
