Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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