you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
