you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
All the doctor said was why
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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