John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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