my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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