is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
