is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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