And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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