Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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