How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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