no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
