who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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