Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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