I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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