dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
