upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize
