the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
