her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
