Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize