Having a random hookup so left but love u
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
