everyone is single if you try hard enough
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The feeling are messing with the penis
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
