I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
