can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize