Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
