he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
