My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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