My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
