I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
