just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
