Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
