I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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