I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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