so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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