Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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