everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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