I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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