I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
