Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
