i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
