Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
