Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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