Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
