Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
