Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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