you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My butt remains clenched, sir.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
