I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
